Midsummer Night's Dream

Amanda Edwards, LCSW, Inc.

The solstice invites us to step into our power, with full capacity and strength. The sun is at its most powerful, bringing maximum light and energy. Other themes include love, joy, light, continued fertility, and as I mentioned above, abundance. Fire is the element of the season; celebrations often include one of my faves - dancing around a bonfire.

Symbols of solstice include a simple circle or disc, representing the sun, and the spiral of fertility. Now is the time to add sweet smelling flowers and fresh honey to our altars. It is also said that summer is the season of the Faeries, and that the solstice is prime time for communing with these magical creatures.

In reflecting on the month of June as Pride month, and in honoring Juneteenth, I am called to ask myself, what can I do / am I doing to educate myself and actively integrate anti-homophobic, anti-transphobic, and anti-racist practices into my personal and professional life? Not just during a particular day, or week, or month, but every day. How can I be present with the atrocities happening in the world at this very moment, without being completely consumed and immobilized? Am I doing enough? What are the ways in which I am being complicit? Can I be more provocative and more of an agitator in the comfort of my circle of friends, my larger community, and in my professional life? How am I combating the damage done in the inherently heteronormative, puritanical, racist, power-based, not-trauma-informed-enough fields of therapy / mental health and psychedelic medicine?

Two books currently on my nightstand are Decolonizing Therapy by Jennifer Mullan PsyD, and White Women by Regina Jackson and Sairo Rao. I encourage you to check them both out if you're interested in joining this conversation.

At this time last year, I was in Denver, Colorado for the MAPS Psychedelic Science Conference. As I sat in the audience during the opening ceremonies, I eventually had to pull out my notebook and start writing down some of the words and concepts that were being highlighted, as they became too numerous for me to keep in my memory. It was during these moments that I truly felt that I was in the right place: at this conference, in this moment in time, having these types of conversations, about integrating these concepts, in a professional context no less! Here are some of the words I wrote down that day:

Love

Joy

Peace

Pleasure

Play

Integrity

Reciprocity

Rest

Consciousness

Expansion

Diversity

Honor

Openness

Transparency

Care

Connection

Equity

Accessibility

Responsibility

Compassion

Humility

Repair

Reverence

Right Relationship

Vulnerability

Safety

Liberation

Service

Paradigm Shift

Divine / Divinity

While recognizing that there is always work to be done in decolonizing and dismantling the capitalistic, patriarchal/sexist institutional pillars of our society, being "in the room" where the above concepts are being applied to professional frameworks (not exclusively personal ones) helps me feel like I am participating in a meaningful way.

Since last we spoke, I have had one helluva time in the wake of a powerful psychedelic experience. I've had my fair share of challenging journeys; ones that turned me upside down and inside out, all of which gave me tremendous insight and caused dramatic shifts. This experience, however, was just plain hard. Discomfort doesn't begin to describe the physical and existential thrashing I experienced. "Pulverized" is a word that comes through, but even that doesn't seem exactly accurate. My guide tells me that there were long periods of time during which my body was calm and peaceful, none of which I recall. This journey was over three weeks ago, and I can still feel the reverberations in my body, sometimes on a cellular level. In the meantime, I have also gotten sick; sicker than I have ever been, for over two weeks. It's been humbling, to say the least.

I do feel like I was energetically flayed open, and that perhaps while I was out in the cosmos, I purged some of the anger and grief I have been unable to move through; that which no longer serves me. It's been quieter, and farther away. Perhaps the perspective has made it more palatable. I fully believe that psychedelic experiences continue to unfold for weeks, months, and years after actual ingestion of a medicine. I have no doubt that this experience served as a kind of portal, and that there will be more insight in my future. I am more aware than ever before of other portals that exist for us, outside of psychedelic medicine: dance, music, meditation, sex / orgasm, emotional release, dreams, and other spaces where we can find ourselves less defended.

For now, as I continue to reinhabit my body, I am feeling the distinct precision of honing my boundaries. I am especially attuned to regaining the security and stability of my own nervous system, which have been absent for quite some time. I am paying extra attention to how those around me help care for my boundaries, and am acutely aware of how safety is so badly damaged and eroded when boundaries are not honored. A question that I am often asking myself, "Is my No invited and welcome here?" If my No is met with punishment and disconnection, my Yes means nothing. My job now is to not self-abandon when I am fearful of disconnection, and to instead remain grounded and in alignment, strengthening my own secure attachment to self. Those who support that will stay and celebrate with me.

This work feels especially powerful and empowering, and calls to mind something a client recently ended our last integration session with, as we were discussing all the things that awaited her out in the world. She calmly, beautifully, and simply stated:

"Let's Fucking Go"